Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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