please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
