you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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