2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
