apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
