I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
