I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
