I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
