The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize