when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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