i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
