some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
