It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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