I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
