Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize