I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
