she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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