drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
