swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
