I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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