Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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