It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
