It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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