she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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