There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
