I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
