We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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