Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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