I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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