DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
