I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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