i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
