im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize