We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
