whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
