you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
