You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
