On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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