Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
