I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize