Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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