Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
oh god the rape fog is back!
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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