take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
