i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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