WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
