my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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