I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
