hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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