look no pants
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know đ
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He sang the chorus to âInside of youâ by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldnât even be mad, that probably took talent
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