At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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