I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
