please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
