Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
being pregnant is like rehab
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
