Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
