Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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