I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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