I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
