I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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