my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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