so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
