So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
