Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
