I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
