Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
