ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
