Please, let me fuck your mom
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
